This Year I'm Going to Be Awesome (a hilarious take on instagram and motherhood)

i'm going to be sooo awesome this year (a hilarious essay on motherhood and instagram)

This year, my goal is to be awesome, so I’m going to start making homemade bread with my sons every morning (but not with my daughter because #feminism). My favorite Instagram mom has five kids (wait, she just had another) and bakes bread every morning with her children and fairies show up and it is MAGICAL, so I need this in my life, too. Also, she homeschools, so I’ve started researching the best homeschooling methods for homesteader families.

It'll Be Fine 

In addition to baking my own bread just like @myfavoritecrunchyinstagrammom, I am also going to start a company. My other favorite Instagram mom, @businessbossbabemomrockstar (who just adopted two children) started her own company and this year Oprah is going to feature it and she will make a billion dollars. I’m not sure how I will homeschool and run the fastest growing company of 2018, but I’ve printed a lot of inspirational quotes from Pinterest and I think I’ll be fine.

The Problem is all the Gluten

I should note that when we bake our fresh bread it will not be with regular flour. Gluten is bad for you, according to @eatgoodfoodhealthypaleofitgreenveganmom. She is awesome and if, likewise, I want to be awesome and have just as much energy to play for hours and hours with my kids every day (while keeping up with my CEO email) I will need to make bread from not gluten. I have found a list of ingredients that make delicious not gluten bread (there’s something called xanthan gum on here) and am ordering them all from Amazon right now.

How Early? 

I plan to start my day at 4 am. I would like to start it at 7 am, but that is simply laziness talking because in order to start my daily morning read alouds to the children before we start homeschool, we have to start breakfast at 5 am. I must also spend an hour each morning in meditation and yoga while illustrating my bible so I can center myself and find my inner peace, which means that I must wake up at 4 am. Don’t worry, I’m adding a slice of lemon to my hot water (and a sprinkle of sea salt) so I’ll be super alert all day.

Just Be Cool

Am I mildly concerned about the tractability of my goals? Absolutely not. I have a #rockstar mug, a #momboss t-shirt, and a recording of Oprah’s Golden Globes speech set to go off every hour, on the hour, all day long. I am also a member of three mastermind groups and five accountability groups. Three meet in person, one meets over text, and one requires extensive conversations via Voxer. I need to download Voxer.

#blessed

To keep track of my rich, chaotic life (I’m so grateful) I have also extensively reviewed the organization habits of the top women in my industry, and now have the Emily Ley planner, the Erin Condren planner, Lara Casey’s Powersheets, Rachel Hollis’ New Year goals training, and a handful of free printables I got off the internets (my printer ran out of ink or I’d have more). Each morning, after read alouds and before homeschooling/CEO duties I plan to sip my butter coffee peacefully on the back porch while I establish my Top Three, my tending list, my to-do list, my big rocks, and my time blocks.

 

Since we don’t have nature in our backyard, I’ll alternate the gentle sounds of a babbling brook with a pump-you-up playlist from Tony Robbins, which is simultaneously as important, less important, and more important than baking not gluten bread with the fairies while running a company.

 

I’m going to be so awesome this year.

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PS Running out of time here and interview with artist + mom Katrina Harrington here

#momhumor
HumorSarah Guerrero